6 Types of Foodies You Will Find at Pakistani Weddings

“Khana Khul Gaya Hai” (“Food is served”), are the magical words every foodie waits to hear at a wedding. Yet for others, these words can usher nothing short of a horror story. As they say in this part of the world, “Jungle Da Qanoon Hai” (“Its the law of jungle).

While the more ‘sophisticated’ among us will deny this, we ALL go to weddings for the food. I mean, sure there’s the dressing up and showing off and blah blah… But, free food? Nothing, and I mean nothing, can beat that for a desi.

Now, we desis are a very diverse species when it comes to food. There are some pretty weird foodies in our ranks, and all of them show their true colors at a wedding. Here are some of the kinds of foodies (we’ll call them qaums, or clans) you’re likely to encounter at a Pakistani wedding…

1. The ‘Khana Kub Khulay Ga?’ Qaum

Sure, all of us are there for the food, but these guys aren’t afraid to put that into words. With their sights squarely at the buffet table, these foodies constantly monitor the kitchen doors waiting for waiters come trailing in with the food, all the while asking those around them if they know the answer to the burning question – “When do we eat?!”

We believe this video by Zaid Ali describes the situation perfectly:

2. The ‘Roti Nahi, Khaali Boti’ Qaum 

If they somehow manage to make it to the front of a queue, that’s it, game over, you stand no choice my friend. All them botis are gone. You will just have to do with gravy or the miserable pieces of meat left after these foodies have had their way with the serving dishes. What you’re left with is more bone than meat, often the opposite of these foodies.

3. The ‘Table Qabza Group’ 

These super humans have been blessed with resolve the rest of us mere mortals can barely contend with. The wedding venue is their war zone, and like any dedicated soldier, they will stand their ground – unfortunately, that ground happens to be the buffet table. Their dedication sees them standing right next to the serving dishes and eating right there – I’m serious, they don’t even bother sitting down.

Warning: Do not mess with them. They will defend their territory at all costs, and will not refrain from using physical force. I repeat, they will not refrain from using physical force!

4. The ‘Shopper Bhar Do’ Qaum

OK, so this one is a personal observations, and I’m hoping that at least one of you can relate. If you can’t, let me assure you that these people exist! I once saw an aunt bag a piece of naan at a wedding. She literally hid it in her purse (I almost fainted). In fairness to her, there are those that do a lot worse.

5. The ‘ Na, Na Kar Ke Khaney Walay’

There’s always that one foodie at a wedding that pretends to be on a diet, or watching their carb intake, and shy away from the table, only to go nuts as soon as some brings them a plate. These mysterious creatures, skinnier than a stick, can end up eating more than you! Perhaps they’re making up for lost time. Who can say?

6. The ‘Vilayati Food Critics’

There is always that long lost aunt or uncle from the U.S. or Canada that show up for a wedding. Initially, they judge every morsel of food like they’re a judge on an episode of Master Chef USA. Their judgement does not stop, and interrogate you on ingredients, hygiene, and nutritional value. And they do a great job of ignoring you as your roll your eyes or start pulling at your hair.

Needless to say, a Pakistani wedding is an interesting affair leaving you with unforgettable memories for years to come. Have you had the chance to identify any other kind of foodie at a Pakistani wedding that we missed?